


I'm Just a Little Too Not Over You

by PrinceWonwoo



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-26
Updated: 2017-07-20
Packaged: 2018-12-04 12:01:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11554788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrinceWonwoo/pseuds/PrinceWonwoo
Summary: They're meant to be, but they won't be.





	1. Dangerously Flirtatious

“You’re like a crazy man up there.”

“You haven’t even seen crazy,” he winked.

I gave a disapproving stare and he laughed while ruffling my hair.

“Jongin flirts on and off stage,” Sehun, his bandmate, said as he walked toward us.

He sat down next to me on the bench and smirked at Jongin, “You sure Krystal’s okay with this Kai?”

Jongin rolled his eyes, “Yes, you know you shouldn’t worry about my relationship. My girlfriend understands what fan service is.”

“Is it really fan service when you flirt with your ex?” another voice said. I turned towards it to find it belonged to none other than Joonmyeon, the leader of the group. Jongin and I stiffened at the reminder of what we once were. I saw anger flash on Jongin’s face, but all he did was pick up his towel and water bottle and ran out of the practice room.

Sehun sighed, “You need to stop that dude. Just because you two don’t get along, doesn’t mean you have to keep throwing at each other.”

Joonmyeon smiled at me apologetically and I smiled back. I knew he and Jongin had history that complicated their relationship. That was between them and I tried not to get involved as much as possible. I’ll admit his comment took things a bit too far, but I’ve heard Jongin say worse…

I had known Jongin since we were in high school. It wasn’t until our second year that we became best friends. Attending a performing arts school was difficult considering everyone had pretty much the same dream: to have their talent noticed. Jongin’s specialty had always been dance while I specialized in song composition.

Our first year we had no classes together. Second year, we had only one class together. This wasn’t special or significant in any way, it was just a basic math class. What was significant was that we were assigned seats next to each other. The class was designed to be easy, because if it were any harder the school feared it would interfere with the “star making” process. It was basically a free period since our only assignments were partner projects. This allowed for Jongin and I to just talk as soon as our project was complete. We realized that we greatly enjoyed each other’s company and had been inseparable since.

Jongin debuted soon after our graduation and it was difficult to spend as much time together as we used to since I had become busy attending university as well. He brought me around whenever I was free and introduced me to different artists. He never made me feel like my friendship was worthless and I was eternally grateful for that. After my graduation from university, he helped me get a job as a songwriter under his company. So far, I had written a few songs here and there, but nothing too popular. It was a great job though, my fellow songwriters were encouraging and I got to spend more time with Jongin.

When I first started to work there, the company was suspicious of us. Everyone assumed we were dating except Sehun who had known us in high school. I would be lying if I said the thought never crossed my mind, but I knew we were both meant for different things, even different people. We did end up dating for a short while though. During the long break between his debut and comeback, we were able to hang out more since he was stuck at the company just as much as I was. He asked me out one day while we were both on our lunch break. I hesitated, but eventually said yes. Looking at him, I could tell he was just as happy as I was. He was my first everything: love, kiss, night, everything.

I wish I could remember every memory with the bliss I felt living them. Unfortunately, they were all bitter due to how it ended.

It started when the members began to leave. I had developed close friendships with all three ex-members, so when they left, I defended them. Jongin did as well, he loved them all and wanted nothing but the best for them. It was when the other members spoke up that he was angry. Kris got most of the anger while Luhan was still accepted and Zitao chose to distance himself. To put things simply, it was a confusing time for everyone.

Although there was nothing to fight about between us, we would fight a lot. One night, we had had enough so we made a mutual decision to split so to not risk our friendship being ruined. We remained friends and pretended everything was back to normal.

Joonmyeon had never accepted any of the ex-members. He saw it as a betrayal and voiced it as so. Jongin became angry and blamed it all on his leadership. That was how their relationship fell apart, although to be honest, it was never strong. They knew each other since their trainee days and I faintly recall some of their altercations back then.

I tried to hide my disappointment when Jongin and Soojung started to date. Soojung and I were friends, but we weren’t as close. Being a songwriter, I asked her for input on my English lyrics since she was bilingual. The day I found out, she was in my office helping me.

“I like this part, ‘Sometimes I try to hide, what I feel inside, then I turn around, you’re with them now.’”

“Thanks,” I mumbled. Truth be told, I had heard rumors of them, but nothing was confirmed.

“I wonder if anyone would feel like this when they find out Jongin and I are dating.” She was so nonchalant about it I wondered if she was aware that she had broken my heart in pieces. Despite the pain, I smiled and congratulated her.

It had been almost a year since our breakup and I hadn’t even considered looking for someone else. So how could he?

“People are evil like that. One minute they tell you they love you and that they’ll never leave or let go and the next they do just that. It blindsides you and you could cry and be upset or you can show them what their missing and be upset. Personally, I prefer the latter, but it’s up to you, little one.”

That’s what Minseok had told me when I ran to him crying. I cried myself to sleep that night and he held me and tried to calm me down.

After the incident with Joonmyeon in the practice room, I knew where Jongin had gone. It pained me to think he could find comfort in being with someone other than me. I dialed the familiar number and waited for her to pick up.

“Hello?”

At least she wasn’t out of breath this time.

“Hey Soojung, I just wanted to make sure Jongin found you.”

“Yeah, he’s here. Do you wanna talk to him?”

I always felt like she was asking ‘Is it absolutely necessary for you to care about him?’

“No, I’ll take your word for it. He just needs to cool off.”

“Okay. Oh, I have some free time tomorrow. Want to go over lyrics again?”

I had some songs I was working on that could use her revision, but if she read any of them, she would probably figure out everything.

“I actually don’t have anything ready to be revised at the moment. I’ll let you know though.”

I could feel her shrug, “Suit yourself. Gotta go bye!”

She sounded like she was in a rush and as I made my way home that night I kept replaying his voice in the background saying, ‘Babe, come back to bed.”

 


	2. Dangerously Flirtatious

I handed Taemin a water bottle as he walked into my office. This had become almost a routine for us. The only thing that had changed was that Jongin wasn’t with us. Until recently, it was always the three of us in my office. I would have them listen to my compositions or read my lyrics and they would show me dance moves that they felt I should know or that they thought were too difficult and wanted me to help them. Helping them meant me trying the move and them laughing at how ridiculous I looked.

“You should really shower before you come here. You stink,” I scrunched my nose.

He raised an eyebrow at me, “Oh but when Jongin comes in drenched in sweat, it suddenly smells like roses?”

I sighed and shook my head, returning my attention to the work I was doing before he had walked in. He let me finish up while I let him catch his breath. When Jongin used to join us, it was always loud in the room, now it was silent except for the sound of my pencil writing, the AC, and our breathing.

I put my notes away and turned to find him staring at his hands.

“What happened to us?”

I sighed and shook my head, “Life happened, I suppose.”

He lifted his head and I saw his eyes were bloodshot, “I miss us. I miss you two. I was so happy knowing both of you would always be there for me, for each other. I wasn’t joking when I said you two were perfect for each other. I know how you felt and trust me when I say he felt the same way.”

“Taemin-“

“Don’t try to deny it either because I know you knew. You two were so stubborn that you allowed for it to all fall through the cracks.”

“What was I supposed to do?! Confess and have him break my heart again? I gave myself to him and he disregarded everyhting. If we hadn’t broken up, we wouldn’t be friends right now. It was either staying together and then breaking up and hating each other or us moving on and remaining friends. Take your pick.”

“I pick the one where he doesn’t date Soojung, stops getting into trouble, and we remain friends.”

“Because you and I are saints?”

“See! There you go thinking you’re not the embodiment of a goody two shoes. Just because you had sex with Jongin a few times doesn’t soil your reputation. In fact if I remember correctly, he always pressured you into it.”

“What do you want from me? I have to date Jongin because we’re perfect together, but I can’t date Jongin because he borderline raped me?”

There was silence again, but this time I couldn’t hear anything. I was too focused on keeping my tears from spilling. Taemin ran out of the room and I just made sure to lock my door and turn off the lights. My office was soundproof so as long as I stayed under the desk, no one would know I was there.

 


	3. Misery Thy Name is Love

My tiny apartment, although old, was my safe haven. They joy I felt coming home after a long day was overwhelmingly pleasant. As much as I enjoyed what I did, I craved the time when I could just be alone, playing guitar or reading, looking for inspiration. I was doing just that when I heard my phone go off. I expected it to be Taemin, whether he was apologizing or not. I looked at the name on my phone and almost dropped it.

“Hello?”

I heard a slam at my door and jumped at the sound.

“Open. Now.”

Curiosity got the best of me and I obeyed. I opened the door to find a soaking wet Jongin. He smirked and walked towards me. I didn’t have to smell the alcohol to know he was plastered.

He wrapped his arms around me and said, “I missed you!”

I gently pushed him away and towards my room. It was the warmest room in the apartment and I needed to get him to warmth before he got sick. Unfortunately, he took my actions a different way.

“So you do miss me?”

I said nothing and made him sit at the edge of the bed. I went to my dresser and opened the bottom drawer. Luckily, I still had some of his old clothes in there. When we had dated, he left things at my place all the time, especially clothes. When we broke up, he asked if I could keep things just in case. I was glad I hadn’t burned it all as a form of therapy. I threw him a shirt and sweat pants and left the room.

I heard him struggle and stumble while getting changed as I prepared some tea in the kitchen. He had a habit of sneaking up on people so I wasn’t surprised when I found him standing behind me once I was about to deliver his tea. What did surprise me is that despite being unbelievably drunk, he was still able to walk to the kitchen without me hearing him.

I led him to the living room, he sat down on my couch and I handed him the cup of tea, warning him of the hot contents. I sat down next to him and stared in awe. The way he was acting, no one would think he was drunk at all. He sipped at his tea and I the TV while I waited. I wasn’t sure what I was waiting for though.

“When you were mine, and I was yours, you used to yell at me if I got too drunk. You’re not yelling now though, that’s how I know things have changed.”

“You don’t need to get plastered to figure out if things have changed.”

He chuckled, “No, but I wanted to. Too bad I have a high tolerance.”

“So you’re not drunk?”

“Slightly tipsy, but the rain sobered me up on my way here, plus the tea.”

No wonder he was able to sneak up on me and act normal, but “Why did you pretend?”

He shrugged, “I guess I wanted to relive old times.”

My eyes widened at his response and I could feel my face heat up. If by old times he meant when he got drunk and then we would-

“Can you tell I’m not happy?” He suddenly asked.

“Do you think I am?”

He smiled and shook his head, “We’re miserable individuals without hope.”

 


	4. Breakaway

I never forgot him, even after we went our separate ways. We invited each other to our weddings, but neither of us attended.

He had married a young nurse who took care of him during his physical therapy. I had always warned him that if he wasn’t careful, it would only take one injury to force him to stop dancing. Luckily for him, he was able to walk again, albeit with a limp.

I married my greatest supporter, Minseok. He had always been there for me and once I was able to shake Jongin out of my head for longer than a minute, I realized how perfect he was for me.

We didn’t see each other for 12 years, the last time being the day he was admitted to the hospital. I kept tabs through Taemin, but I never visited.

When we did finally meet again, he was extremely surprised and his emotions got the better of him. We were at a supermarket and he was with his wife and I was alone. Minseok was at home resting since he had continued his life as a singer. It was our 9 year anniversary as a couple, 4 years of marriage.

Our eyes met when we entered the same aisle on opposite sides, both widening. He ran to me, leaving his wife by the cart in confusion. Even from a distance I could see she was expecting. I felt his strong arms, which were once the only thing I needed, wrap around me.

I felt numb. When he pulled away, I could see he was hurt by my lack of response. I didn’t hate Jongin, I had just become immune to what he used to do to me. My heartbeat was normal, my face was free of any blush, and I was thinking clearly.

I smiled and I nodded over to his wife, “I think she’s confused. You should go clear things up before she leaves frustrated.”

I knew what I said was harsh, but I also knew he needed to hear it. No one deserved to ever feel the way I did.

I didn’t wait for his response and just exited the aisle. I abandoned my cart near the exit and walked to my car. I drove home without even turning on the radio. I walked into my house and went straight to the bedroom. There, I found my husband on our bed, still sleeping. I smiled and made my way into bed with him. I snuggled up to him and felt him kiss my head. I smiled in relief knowing for the first time in my life, that although it was impossible to recover from a broken heart, it was possible to find a new one with someone else.

 


	5. On the Other Side...

What I did to Kyungsoo was despicable. Loving him was the worst thing I could have ever done to him.

The first time I saw him, I was infatuated. It wasn’t until later that I realized he had the same response. That was my first clue that he and I were meant to be. My second was when he and I became inseparable. I didn’t open up to people easily, but somehow within a week, my math partner was the most trustworthy person in my life.

We were each other’s first in anything you could imagine. There were times where we wouldn’t see each other for months. Those were the most difficult and painful times of my life. Even when we broke up, at least I could still see him, still hug him, and still be with him.

Working with him was amazing. I always knew he was talented, but actually seeing his talent being recognized, the smile on his face whenever he was praised by some big shot in the industry, made me feel proud that he was mine, even if it was only for a little while.

I tried to get over him the best way I knew how, dancing and moving on. I never thought I’d actually date Soojung. I’ll admit she’s attractive and she and I got along really well, but that meant nothing to me.

I only wanted Kyungsoo.

I felt bad for using her, but when you lose all hope, nothing makes sense anymore.

That night I barged in his apartment, I had only considered what would make me happy. It was when he took me to his room that my head cleared a bit. Memories of lazy mornings and passionate nights overwhelmed me and I forgot to pretend like I was wasted. Because despite everything, I knew he still cared for me. I also knew I didn’t deserve his care, definitely not his love either.

I tried to avoid him after that. Working at the same company made that difficult, so I was grateful when I was admitted to the hospital. I knew my career was over and he would never have to work with me again.

My hospital stay was pleasant and because I was trying to forget everything, I allowed myself to fall in love. It was different from when I fell for Soojung. Soojung was there as a distraction, but now I felt fulfilled, or so I thought.

I didn’t see Kyungsoo for 12 years and I know it would’ve been longer had fate not made us meet that day at the supermarket. We were both married by then, but the happiness I felt was more than the day I married my wife or found out I would be a father.

I saw him before he saw me and by the look on his face, I knew he was happy. I smiled bitterly at that. Minseok was a great man and I trusted Kyungsoo to him, but I knew I would have preferred to make him look like the happiest person on earth.

I wasn’t sure what came over me when I ran to him. I expected him to shove me off and yell at me, but he didn’t. Instead he didn’t even respond, which was worse. I knew my face showed my pain despite my efforts to play it off. What was worse was the last thing he said.

“I think she’s confused. You should go clear things up before she leaves frustrated.”

I knew exactly what he meant by that and I deserved it.

As I watched him disappear out of the aisle, I couldn’t help but feel as if my world was falling apart. I had lost many friends throughout the years, but now I had lost a part of my heart and soul.

I hadn’t danced in years, but I still looked like a crazy man.

 

**Author's Note:**

> A work from my AFF.


End file.
